i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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