i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize