we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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