i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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