Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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