i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize