Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize