its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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