just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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