I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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