is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
