I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
