Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
