Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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