theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
