margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
