How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
