dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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