Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
