I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
