uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
