don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
