i just wanna soil my oats bro
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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