how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
