My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
