quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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