I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
