Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
