Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
