So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
