Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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