Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
