I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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