apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
