WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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