You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
