Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
