I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
