dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
