Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
