hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
