my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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