i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
