Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
