Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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