I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
