like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
