i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
