one might say we're banned from that church
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
