I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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