I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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