Will you blow on my dice?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
