if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
