Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
MIDGETS
????
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
