Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
