I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
