Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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