i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
