Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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