when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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