Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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